In any industry, but particularly senior living, it’s easy to become fixated on the outcome. Whether the goal is securing a move-in, achieving a certain margin, or reaching a sales target, many professionals are taught that success comes from pushing hard toward a specific result.
Ironically, that mindset often undermines the very result they’re trying to achieve.
One of the most powerful shifts a salesperson or leader can make is learning to remove themselves from the outcome, says Jeff Harris, CEO of Jeff Harris & Associates. That does not mean becoming indifferent, passive, or less ambitious. It means shifting the focus away from what you want and toward the daily actions and processes that will genuinely serve the other person.
“From the time we’re young, basically everything we do is meant to try to meet our emotional or physical needs,” says Harris. While that’s a natural part of being human, it can become a problem in relationships when our priorities never expand beyond ourselves.
In sales or leadership, that distinction matters, “People don’t tend to respond well when they feel someone is only looking out for themselves,” he says. “The best relationships are those where both people are giving and have each other’s interests in mind.”
Harris points to parenting as an example.
“In a healthy family, the baby has needs, and the parents are there to meet those needs,” he says. “A child grows up learning that other people can help them meet their needs, and that can be good. But if you never graduate from just being the one to have your needs met and never think about meeting other people’s needs, it ends up being very limiting. Nobody wants to be around other people who are selfish all the time.”
The same principle applies in business.
“It’s very typical for a salesperson to come in and try to hustle you into saying yes,” says Harris. “When they do that, it’s very transparent that they’re really not interested in you. They’re interested in the sale – and in themselves.”
People are remarkably good at detecting self-interest. When a prospect senses that a salesperson is primarily concerned with closing the deal to the exclusion of the other party’s interests, trust begins to erode. Even if the salesperson is saying things that are true, useful, and relevant, the message is filtered through suspicion.
“When you suspect that someone is doing something just to further their own interests, they lose all credibility,” Harris says. “Even though they might be communicating things that are true and valuable, people are going to be skeptical because they believe you’re coming from a position of self-interest.”
As a result, everything that follows becomes harder. The person may listen politely, but they are less likely to trust your guidance, accept your recommendations, or believe your advice is objective.
Fortunately, the opposite is also true.
“If you act in a way that is very openly and obviously against your immediate self-interest, it sends a very different message,” says Harris. “People think, ‘This person seems to really care about me, and they’re willing to lay their own interests aside.'”
This is where trust begins to develop. When people believe you genuinely care about their well-being, rapport develops naturally, trust grows, and people become more open to your guidance. That doesn’t mean ignoring your own goals or abandoning business objectives. It means looking for outcomes where both parties benefit.
“You should be looking for win-win transactions where both sides can benefit,” says Harris. “Instead of asking, ‘How do I get this person to say yes?’ the better question becomes, ‘What outcome truly serves both of us?’”
This shift also has a practical benefit. When you become overly attached to the outcome, you are more likely to become anxious and distracted, particularly if you feel you are NOT making progress toward the desired result. Ironically, this anxiety can tend to divert attention from the day-to-day actions that are essential to produce that desired result. This can create a vicious cycle – the more distracted you become, the more anxiety is produced because you are not moving toward your desired goal, and this anxiety diverts focus from the essential steps to make the situation better.
The most effective leaders and salespeople understand that their role isn’t to convince. It’s to guide. In many cases, the fastest path to a successful outcome is to stop chasing the outcome itself. When salespeople and leaders focus first on serving the other person well in their day-to-day activities, they are far more likely to build the kind of trust and create the momentum that produces lasting success.